Thoughts on a High School Class Reunion

I was privileged to be able to attend my 50th high school class reunion – Chino High School, Chino, CA, class of 1961 (the one year where our class rings could be turned either way and the year still reads the same). Everybody seemed to recognize me (no one else in my class was any shorter) but I seemed to need the name tags to put the names with the faces. Most of us have aged (with a few exceptions), but what should one expect after 50 years. We were a class of 204 in 1961 – we have lost 42 of our classmates. To hear of some of their tragic deaths made me very sad – murder, suicide, traffic accidents, cancer, heart disease, stroke, and more – and even more sad especially for those deaths that would not be considered ‘natural’ causes. The number of classmates who chose not to join us also made me sad. Some of us did not feel very much a part of the whole in 1961, but in 2011 we were all one whole, enjoying each other’s company even though we had been apart for so very many years. All of the petty stuff of the teenage years was gone. An afternoon social hour, a dinner and more socializing, and a late morning brunch at our class president’s home made the weekend very special.

Going home after so many years where there is no home to go to and no family in the area is a tough one. I decided to spend some time with a former neighbor. We had tea together. Her son and wife joined us (I babysat for him when he was a little kid). We had lunch together. We reminisced and talked of everything – family, friends, church, school, neighbors and anything else we could think of. This visit really helped bridge the lack of family as we had so many friends in common. I can never catch up with the last 50 years that I have been away, but I do know a little more about old friends than I did before I made the trip.

Again, I spent a little time driving around the area, trying to find old haunts, homes, and landmarks. As with everyplace, this little place in the sun has definitely changed – a LOT – since 1961. It has even changed a lot since my parents passed away and changed since I was home in 2001 for my 40th HS reunion. Life was simpler 50 years ago. People weren’t in such a hurry. We took more time to just be with friends and visit. Everyone has someplace to go and something to do today and there is no time for just ‘being’. My few days at ‘home’ gave me some for just ‘being’ – being with friends, renewing old acquaintances, and just relaxing without the daily pressures of my convoluted life.

Thank you to all my classmates who joined us for a great weekend. Thank you to my friends who made time for me to just visit and relax and be with them and catch up on everything. Thank you to my husband who again let me go and ‘be’. There are plans for another reunion – perhaps earlier than five years. I don’t know whether I will go or not, but I do know this 50th reunion will be a very good memory for a very long time.

Lenten Thoughts

I was asked to give a 'testimony' during the worship service on March 20, 2011. As one who is NOT comfortable at all with demonstrative effusions on my faith, the following is what I ultimately stated.

Thoughts on God’s Presence in my life:

Some of us can stand on the street corner and proclaim our faith. Others of us can pray with confidence in public. And others of us can put our faith in erudite words as a verbal testimony. I don’t feel comfortable doing any of those things.

I come from a Dutch Reformed background and generations of psalm singers. I attended a Christian elementary school and a Christian college. I learned early and throughout my formative years to SING my faith. The words of the hymns and psalms of my youth are firmly imprinted on my brain. I feel closest to God and most uplifted either when singing or listening to the glorious music of the church. In times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of stress or in times of relaxed pleasure, I chose to sing my faith.

One hymn speaks my faith loudly and clearly – even to the point that I had it sung at the memorial services for both of my parents and will request that it be sung at mine too – Our God Our Help in Ages Past.

I invite you to join me in a testament to my faith and yours as we lift our voices in praise to the Almighty singing together Psalm 90, Hymn #210, Our God Our Help in Ages Past. Hear the words. Let them speak to you as they speak to me. May you feel God’s eternal love and eternal presence in your life – our guide while life shall last and our eternal home.

Lenten Testimony
March 20, 2011
Betty Kooy

1. O God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Our shelter from the stormy blast,
And our eternal home.
2. Before the hills in order stood,
Or earth received her frame,
From everlasting Thou art God,
To endless years the same.
3. A thousand ages in Thy sight
Are like an evening gone;
Short as the watch that ends the night
Before the rising sun.
4. Time, like an ever-rolling stream,
Bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream
Dies at the op’ning day.
5. O God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Be Thou our guard while life shall last,
And our eternal home.

QUIT Moving My Cheese!!!!!

Alright, already! Enough is enough. I don’t want any more changes in my life!
January 2011 – life seemed pretty normal other than rotten computer problems at work, but at least we dealt with it. BUT, on February 5 everything seemed to fly apart. Vern broke his right leg in several places slipping down the front steps early in the morning. A call to friends and the recommendation to call 911 got him to the hospital. At 2pm on a Saturday afternoon he was in surgery and was plated, screwed, wired and casted together with the lovely words ‘ absolutely no weight-bearing on that leg for 6-8 weeks’. UGH! He got a lovely room in the hospital, but by Tuesday, February 8, he was moved to the Acute Rehab Unit – to try to get strong enough and used to hopping on one leg and dealing with everything that comes with an unusable limb. In the meantime Grandson Soeren Aberdeen Kooy Codel was born on Monday, February 7. Grammy had promised Liz that she would come to Chicago and help with the family for a week. So she left Vern in the hospital to be taken care of by an excellent staff and made her way on the train to Chicago.

In the meantime, we are being asked how are you going to get Vern home and keep him safe? How do you get him into the house? First solution – a ramp. Bless the swim team friends who volunteered to build the ramp. Next solution – room in the house to maneuver a wheel chair and walker. Again, bless the ramp builders. Next solution – a cleaner house. Bless the new hired help who is absolutely FABULOUS! So…ramp up to house, bunches of stuff thrown out to make room for the rehab stuff, other stuff moved or put in place to make mobility safe. Check! So as of March 1, Vern is home. But who knows where the majority of my cheese is? I am so much a creature of habit that things just don’t feel right.

The work cheese is getting moved big time too – not yet, but soon. I am not anticipating any of the changes. It is not that I can’t change. I just don’t think we need to change just because someone thinks they have to make changes just because…! Nobody who has been dealing with the new changes is liking the changes and they are not going smoothly. I am frustrated already listening to the grousing. How am I going to deal when NOTHING in my workspace works like it is supposed to and I have to constantly figure out how to make things work. I already am making work-arounds for a lot of ordinary daily tasks. What will I do when everything is changed and will require a whole new set of skills/work habits?

Things changed/or caused problems since February 1:
Vern’s broken leg
Whole house rearranged
New Grandson in Chicago
Flash drive (Betty’s Brain) fails (backed-up Feb 1 but…)
Betty’s car died in hospital parking lot (luckily only a battery)

Guess I still have much to be thankful for. I have my health and my brain (what is left when I don’t feel fried). I can still get around and take care of business. But I miss having a honey-doer! It will be a while before he can honey-do again.

Thoughts on a Gorgeous Fall Day

Life...what can I say. Sometimes it is as glorious as the weather; other times it sucks. This last weekend put both of those extremes in my life. We have been having some spectacular fall weather – cool nights, nippy mornings, and perfect days. I can’t ask for anything better – only maybe give me a few more days of it so I can enjoy being in the Windy City and taking the little boys out for long walks to Chicago’s parks and around the neighborhood. We will spend the rest of the week in Chicago being a grammy and loving every minute of it.

Back to the weekend. We lost a very special young man last week – a former swimmer, classmate of our children, son of good friends, teacher and mentor to his students, and only 40 years old. He left us far too early, but the impact he had on his students in his short life was tremendous. Would that I could have had that kind of impact on young people. We attended both the visitation and the funeral. At both his parents and brother were given an inkling of the positive role model he was for the youth of Grand Island. He will not be forgotten and his absence will leave a huge hole for family, friends, students, and co-workers. By being in attendance Friday evening and Saturday morning, we were able to see friends – parents and swimmers of the HYAC community from the 80s. What a joy to see friends and what a blessing their presence was to a grieving family and community.

Saturday evening we had the pleasure of seeing two former HYAC swimmers joined in marriage. Another gathering of the HYAC community from a different era – the 90s and later. That’s what happens when you stick around too long. You know too many people. We had a wonderful time visiting with friends and swimmers and catching up. And we got a chance to see the joy of a young couple beginning their life together. It was a beautiful wedding on a gorgeous fall day, the beauty of the wedding matching the day.

Life goes on. Children are born. Some of us die. We all die eventually. And tomorrow is another day. We will rejoice in seeing the grandchildren!

A Year of Thoughts

Thoughts flit in and out of my head. It has been almost a year since posting any GrammyThoughts. So what have those thoughts been about?

Getting Older: The aches and pains that come with getting older are for the birds. And then when you have to take stupid medications for the problems that come with aging, they make the joints hurt even more. The meds have taken care of the high cholesterol for now so we’ll try half-dosage and see if the numbers still stay down. Mama had a stroke at a rather ‘young’ age and the high cholesterol seems to be familial on that side of the family so we will watch ourselves for now.

Grandchildren: They are such a JOY! Spending some time in San Francisco with the family and taking the little girls out to dinner showed me that little ones can behave very well, even in fancy restaurants (with the help of a ‘dress the Barbie’ app on Nef’s IPhone!). Helping Ute with her homework and watching Athena at her gym class playing with her mommy and daddy brought much joy to my heart! Spending time in Chicago with the little boys brings smiles to our faces. Zane knows where all the states are and tells us where he is going this month – a new state, Arizona. And Cael has never been there either so he will have to color in Arizona for both himself and for Cael. Cael is so very precious, but life just doesn’t get any easier for him. Grammy worries about him and about his family. There is never a day that is not stress-free or a day that does not bring another challenge for him. For a grammy that likes to live stress-free, watching the family, even from afar, really causes stress.

Retirement: Every time I get a few days off, or do something fun like traveling to Chicago or San Francisco but sandwiching everything in between work and more work, I wonder why I shouldn’t retire. Then I think about the insurance game and health issues, and I know why I am still working – it’s called bennies! But then when I am home with nothing to do, I get really lazy and do less than nothing, so maybe retirement isn’t a good option for me right now.

Reading: I have been keeping track of the books I have read so far this year – 36. I think I am trying to read everything I can get my hands on before the eyes give out on me;-) The books run the gamut from historical fiction to mystery to inspirational. What am I to say...this is part of my laziness. I have always loved to read, but it goes in spurts. And my taste changes from year to year too. What I like this year may not strike my fancy at all next year.

Swimming: OK, I still enjoy doing the work. When I no longer enjoy it, I will quit. I just wish things wouldn’t pile up all at the same time. And I wish others would learn to do their jobs so that I didn’t always have to clean up after the messes;-) Too many meets this summer. Big meets that cause anxiety. Big outdoor meets that cause real anxiety because I can’t control the weather. Anyone ever guess that I am a control-freak? I want control over my own life. I know the other people in my life like to control their own lives too. I tell them they can control all they want until the train starts to run off the track, and then I take over!

Volunteer stuff: Getting rid of it...one thing at a time. Gone are the PW books. Gone are the HYAC books. Two big responsibilities that I really didn’t want anymore! Relief! But then I volunteer for Session when asked and that adds more responsibility. I like to use my strengths, and by letting people know what those strengths are, I can use them, and not be bothered with doing things that I am not good at or do not like to do!

How’s that for a year’s worth of thoughts?

Where does time go?

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that we were planning for millennial computer problems. Now we are marching toward 2010 – ten years later. Yesterday I was setting up the March short course meet. Today I am setting up the long course meet and August 1 is here at the end of the week. Yesterday we were getting stuff out for summer session. Now we are getting stuff for Fall and getting advertising out for fall workshops.

When I was little I used to practice writing the new year so that I wouldn’t make a mistake. The way time is flying, I maybe need to practice writing the new year – oh, maybe 100 times at least;-) I still catch myself putting 2008 on a check every now and then – and soon it will be 2010 and I haven’t even mastered 2009 yet.

Yesterday I was planning for family being home for a few days – today I am saying goodbye to 2/3 of that family and holding on for a few more days to the 1/3 that is still here. Yesterday I was anxiously waiting for winter to be over. Now summer is almost gone and the joy of having the family home for a few days is only in my heart.

Picture is of the extended Kooy family minus Esteban. (We missed him.) From left to right, Liz, Cael, Zane, Adrian, Betty, Heidi, Ute, Nef, Athena, Jan and Vern.

Ute and Zane

Liz, Heidi, and Ute

Liz, Adrian, and Jan at Liz's 20th HS class reunion

Athena

Why is it that when one is a child time seems to pass so very slowly? One is able to savor the year – all the special holidays, enjoy the time of anticipation, enjoy the days, and then enjoy savoring the memories. When one gets older, everything is just so jam-packed together that we can’t smell the coffee, let alone the roses.

I will try to savor the wonderful memories of having kids and grandkids home. I will try to enjoy working each day – even though every minute brings me closer to tomorrow. I will relish each sunny day, each star-lit night, and even each rainy day and cloudy night. I will cherish the times spent with family and friends and try to disencumber myself from so many ‘jobs’ that suck all of the time and pleasure out of life.

Tomorrow is another day...one day closer to January 1, 2010...whatever that day and year will bring. I will greet the morn with joy!

Thoughts on Education - Five Years + Later

If I had wanted to find an excuse to quit the MAEd program I started in the Fall of 2003 I could have found a thousand excuses – and very legitimate excuses at that. After working in Distance Education for 15 years, I think I have heard every excuse in the book for late work, incomplete work, non-completion, etc, and every reason imaginable for an extension. I guess this will be a somewhat rambling group of thoughts on such issues.


In the fall of 2003 I decided to pursue an MA program in Distance Education through the University of Phoenix. I chose that program because I knew UOP did online education very well, because I had been involved in DE for quite a few years, and because I thought I could finally accomplish the MA while still living in the middle of Nebraska – on my own time and in my own way.

Students at CCC who seek to do ‘individualized’ courses at a distance have a lot of flexibility regarding due dates, how they turn in their work, and when and where they complete that work – perhaps way too much flexibility. The UOP program that I completed had some flexibility, but not too much. I chose to take the degree as recommended – six weeks of class, one week off, six more weeks of class, until all 33 hours (12 courses) were completed in about 19 months. Each class had a syllabus, a list of assignments and deliverables, and due dates for each of the deliverables. In the 19 months I only missed one deadline (by about 13 hours) because of an eye injury. And I completed the work with a 4.0 GPA.

Now…what was going on in my life while I took that program. I was home by myself during the week (Vern was working in Omaha), working two jobs, traveling on occasion to see the kids (new grandbaby), doing my usual swim meets both locally and in Lincoln and Omaha, and dealing with Vern’s illness, surgeries, and his cancer diagnosis. There were many times when I could have said, “I just can’t do this!” There were many times when it was not convenient to get my assignment done on time. There were many times that I had to go through extreme measures to find connectivity to be able to either enter the required discussions, upload my work, or collaborate with my assigned team on a particular project. I tried the local library (to make sure I had that option if my connection broke down); I made sure Vern’s laptop was ready to interface with the classroom; I had my PC set up at work to interface with the class; and of course my PC at home was set up as my main classroom access. Vern’s laptop went to California, Chicago, Atlanta, swimming conventions, etc with me (although he was not terribly happy about losing his window to the world). But I did it.

When Vern got sick in the fall of 2003 we knew things weren’t right, but little did we know how very wrong they were. We went to San Francisco to meet Ute and there I used the Macs of the kids for my classroom connection. Vern was very sick – very tired and very lethargic, and slept a lot. I still got my work done. He continued to go to work that fall and early winter, but not without a lot of effort. I continued my classes and signed up for the 2nd and 3rd course in the program. After Christmas local doctors decided it was time to do some serious checking. CT scans showed a large mass in the abdomen. Exploratory surgery done locally revealed a tumor too large and involved for the local surgeons to deal with. I continued with my work, my swimming job, and my class work. It was decided that UNMC was the best place with the best doctors to try to deal with the issue. I continued with my course work, ran my swim meets (including one in Omaha staying at Vern’s apartment), and got ready to stay in Omaha and camp at UNMC hospital for a week or so, continuing my studies. While Vern was in surgery I read. While he was hospitalized I sat in his room, curled up in a recliner, and read. I used his laptop at his apartment to upload my work. I never missed an assignment or a due date.

When Vern had healed somewhat, we traveled to Atlanta for a family wedding. I had hotel connectivity, but not much time. I didn’t miss any assignments, but I didn’t respond to the discussions like I usually did. I did get docked at bit in that class for that. But we also had a ‘green’ instructor and he really didn’t know what he was doing, so I didn’t get too concerned.

By the fall of 2004 work, swimming, online classes, and normal every-day stuff all were just a part of my life. I was able to download the textbooks at least three weeks prior to the start of each class. By the time the last class rolled around I was an old pro. In the spring of 2005 I scratched my eye. I couldn’t function. One assignment just had to be late…using an excuse the instructor understood as she had recently had eye surgery. When I finished the program I was ready to be finished, but I also knew I would miss the intellectual interaction with my fellow students.

My degree was granted 40 years to the day after my BA had been granted. I felt I had accomplished a worthy goal. I had completed an advanced degree. I had completed it in the prescribed time. I had never been late or missed an assignment (with one exception). I had a 4.0 GPA. As an Adult Education professional I knew that this was quite an accomplishment. None of the roadblocks thrown in my path had caused me to stumble or change direction. I have tried to process reasons for my success. I don’t quit when I start something. I am a true adult learner. I need to succeed for my own internal reasons. I had a point to prove – that despite the obstacles we as adult learners encounter, we can succeed and achieve IF we put our minds to it and IF we persevere. We chose our successes or our failures. If we chose to find excuses, we can find those excuses. If we chose to get the job done, we can get it done despite normal inconveniences or not-so-normal life-altering events. It is a choice. And my choice was to succeed!