Thoughts on Cael

Grammy spent five days in Dallas while Caelie was in the hospital (as of this writing he is still there). Grammy does not know what to think. Cael is not a normal child. Nothing about him is normal. He has Down Syndrome. He also has Hirschsprung’s Disease. And failure to thrive. And… And… And… the list goes on. He is a precious little boy who is very good most of the time – until he is stressed.

At this point I think the whole medical profession has gone crazy. The docs do not listen to the mom. They order ‘goofy’ tests as the mommy puts it. They diagnose something that is totally inappropriate for his condition. He needs to go home and be with his family and get back to a normal routine to be able to do what he normally does, but until he is able to eat and drink he will not be going home. And they say he has ‘forgotten’ how to crawl and how to eat. Sure. Who are these nut cases, anyway?

Before this hospital stay is over, I am afraid my daughter may kill somebody. The strain and stress on a family of a medically fragile child is unbelievable. And with the medical profession batting in the dark for diagnoses, the stress is doubled.

Continued later…
The strain and stress got worse as the hospital forced an airlift transfer (with daddy) half-way across the country, necessitating a travel trip for mom and brothers, a trip for grandpa and grandma, several more air trips for the daddy, a hotel stay and a Ronald McDonald House stay for family members, and an air trip for auntie and cousin to try to help this family through a very trying and stressful time.

From a not-too-objective perspective, this could and should have been avoided if a hospital staff had been willing to listen to the parents rather than thinking they knew what was wrong and trying to play god in the process. A child with Hirschsprung’s induced enterocolitis should not have to wait 48 hours for medical staff to determine that this was not just the ‘flu’ but rather a very life-threatening infection. A child should not have to stay in the hospital 20 days with inappropriate treatment for his condition because the medical staff cannot understand that the parents have been trained to take care of the Hirschsprung’s related problems in very specific ways by world-renowned specialists in that area. A child should not have to be airlifted half-way across the country because hospital staff cannot get around to contacting previous medical providers regarding appropriate treatment for the current manifestations of the condition. No parent should have to be questioned so harshly regarding treatment requests when they have been through the same thing more than once and know what treatments have worked in the past.

We are grateful to the hospital staff in Cincinnati for listening to the parents, for understanding the needs of this special child, and for treating appropriately. We are grateful to the Ronald McDonald House for a very pleasant stay, albeit we all would have rather been home for Christmas. (Three full Christmas dinners was a pretty nice perk.) We are grateful for healing for our precious grandson.

And…6 weeks after being home Cael is gaining weight. Yes, weight. He may be a chunky monkey yet;-)

Zane thought his brother needed a welcome-home party, so the family got the bouncy house and had friends over to enjoy an afternoon of fun. Below the three brothers are pictured enjoying the fun.

Thoughts on a High School Class Reunion

I was privileged to be able to attend my 50th high school class reunion – Chino High School, Chino, CA, class of 1961 (the one year where our class rings could be turned either way and the year still reads the same). Everybody seemed to recognize me (no one else in my class was any shorter) but I seemed to need the name tags to put the names with the faces. Most of us have aged (with a few exceptions), but what should one expect after 50 years. We were a class of 204 in 1961 – we have lost 42 of our classmates. To hear of some of their tragic deaths made me very sad – murder, suicide, traffic accidents, cancer, heart disease, stroke, and more – and even more sad especially for those deaths that would not be considered ‘natural’ causes. The number of classmates who chose not to join us also made me sad. Some of us did not feel very much a part of the whole in 1961, but in 2011 we were all one whole, enjoying each other’s company even though we had been apart for so very many years. All of the petty stuff of the teenage years was gone. An afternoon social hour, a dinner and more socializing, and a late morning brunch at our class president’s home made the weekend very special.

Going home after so many years where there is no home to go to and no family in the area is a tough one. I decided to spend some time with a former neighbor. We had tea together. Her son and wife joined us (I babysat for him when he was a little kid). We had lunch together. We reminisced and talked of everything – family, friends, church, school, neighbors and anything else we could think of. This visit really helped bridge the lack of family as we had so many friends in common. I can never catch up with the last 50 years that I have been away, but I do know a little more about old friends than I did before I made the trip.

Again, I spent a little time driving around the area, trying to find old haunts, homes, and landmarks. As with everyplace, this little place in the sun has definitely changed – a LOT – since 1961. It has even changed a lot since my parents passed away and changed since I was home in 2001 for my 40th HS reunion. Life was simpler 50 years ago. People weren’t in such a hurry. We took more time to just be with friends and visit. Everyone has someplace to go and something to do today and there is no time for just ‘being’. My few days at ‘home’ gave me some for just ‘being’ – being with friends, renewing old acquaintances, and just relaxing without the daily pressures of my convoluted life.

Thank you to all my classmates who joined us for a great weekend. Thank you to my friends who made time for me to just visit and relax and be with them and catch up on everything. Thank you to my husband who again let me go and ‘be’. There are plans for another reunion – perhaps earlier than five years. I don’t know whether I will go or not, but I do know this 50th reunion will be a very good memory for a very long time.

Lenten Thoughts

I was asked to give a 'testimony' during the worship service on March 20, 2011. As one who is NOT comfortable at all with demonstrative effusions on my faith, the following is what I ultimately stated.

Thoughts on God’s Presence in my life:

Some of us can stand on the street corner and proclaim our faith. Others of us can pray with confidence in public. And others of us can put our faith in erudite words as a verbal testimony. I don’t feel comfortable doing any of those things.

I come from a Dutch Reformed background and generations of psalm singers. I attended a Christian elementary school and a Christian college. I learned early and throughout my formative years to SING my faith. The words of the hymns and psalms of my youth are firmly imprinted on my brain. I feel closest to God and most uplifted either when singing or listening to the glorious music of the church. In times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of stress or in times of relaxed pleasure, I chose to sing my faith.

One hymn speaks my faith loudly and clearly – even to the point that I had it sung at the memorial services for both of my parents and will request that it be sung at mine too – Our God Our Help in Ages Past.

I invite you to join me in a testament to my faith and yours as we lift our voices in praise to the Almighty singing together Psalm 90, Hymn #210, Our God Our Help in Ages Past. Hear the words. Let them speak to you as they speak to me. May you feel God’s eternal love and eternal presence in your life – our guide while life shall last and our eternal home.

Lenten Testimony
March 20, 2011
Betty Kooy

1. O God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Our shelter from the stormy blast,
And our eternal home.
2. Before the hills in order stood,
Or earth received her frame,
From everlasting Thou art God,
To endless years the same.
3. A thousand ages in Thy sight
Are like an evening gone;
Short as the watch that ends the night
Before the rising sun.
4. Time, like an ever-rolling stream,
Bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream
Dies at the op’ning day.
5. O God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Be Thou our guard while life shall last,
And our eternal home.

QUIT Moving My Cheese!!!!!

Alright, already! Enough is enough. I don’t want any more changes in my life!
January 2011 – life seemed pretty normal other than rotten computer problems at work, but at least we dealt with it. BUT, on February 5 everything seemed to fly apart. Vern broke his right leg in several places slipping down the front steps early in the morning. A call to friends and the recommendation to call 911 got him to the hospital. At 2pm on a Saturday afternoon he was in surgery and was plated, screwed, wired and casted together with the lovely words ‘ absolutely no weight-bearing on that leg for 6-8 weeks’. UGH! He got a lovely room in the hospital, but by Tuesday, February 8, he was moved to the Acute Rehab Unit – to try to get strong enough and used to hopping on one leg and dealing with everything that comes with an unusable limb. In the meantime Grandson Soeren Aberdeen Kooy Codel was born on Monday, February 7. Grammy had promised Liz that she would come to Chicago and help with the family for a week. So she left Vern in the hospital to be taken care of by an excellent staff and made her way on the train to Chicago.

In the meantime, we are being asked how are you going to get Vern home and keep him safe? How do you get him into the house? First solution – a ramp. Bless the swim team friends who volunteered to build the ramp. Next solution – room in the house to maneuver a wheel chair and walker. Again, bless the ramp builders. Next solution – a cleaner house. Bless the new hired help who is absolutely FABULOUS! So…ramp up to house, bunches of stuff thrown out to make room for the rehab stuff, other stuff moved or put in place to make mobility safe. Check! So as of March 1, Vern is home. But who knows where the majority of my cheese is? I am so much a creature of habit that things just don’t feel right.

The work cheese is getting moved big time too – not yet, but soon. I am not anticipating any of the changes. It is not that I can’t change. I just don’t think we need to change just because someone thinks they have to make changes just because…! Nobody who has been dealing with the new changes is liking the changes and they are not going smoothly. I am frustrated already listening to the grousing. How am I going to deal when NOTHING in my workspace works like it is supposed to and I have to constantly figure out how to make things work. I already am making work-arounds for a lot of ordinary daily tasks. What will I do when everything is changed and will require a whole new set of skills/work habits?

Things changed/or caused problems since February 1:
Vern’s broken leg
Whole house rearranged
New Grandson in Chicago
Flash drive (Betty’s Brain) fails (backed-up Feb 1 but…)
Betty’s car died in hospital parking lot (luckily only a battery)

Guess I still have much to be thankful for. I have my health and my brain (what is left when I don’t feel fried). I can still get around and take care of business. But I miss having a honey-doer! It will be a while before he can honey-do again.

Thoughts on a Gorgeous Fall Day

Life...what can I say. Sometimes it is as glorious as the weather; other times it sucks. This last weekend put both of those extremes in my life. We have been having some spectacular fall weather – cool nights, nippy mornings, and perfect days. I can’t ask for anything better – only maybe give me a few more days of it so I can enjoy being in the Windy City and taking the little boys out for long walks to Chicago’s parks and around the neighborhood. We will spend the rest of the week in Chicago being a grammy and loving every minute of it.

Back to the weekend. We lost a very special young man last week – a former swimmer, classmate of our children, son of good friends, teacher and mentor to his students, and only 40 years old. He left us far too early, but the impact he had on his students in his short life was tremendous. Would that I could have had that kind of impact on young people. We attended both the visitation and the funeral. At both his parents and brother were given an inkling of the positive role model he was for the youth of Grand Island. He will not be forgotten and his absence will leave a huge hole for family, friends, students, and co-workers. By being in attendance Friday evening and Saturday morning, we were able to see friends – parents and swimmers of the HYAC community from the 80s. What a joy to see friends and what a blessing their presence was to a grieving family and community.

Saturday evening we had the pleasure of seeing two former HYAC swimmers joined in marriage. Another gathering of the HYAC community from a different era – the 90s and later. That’s what happens when you stick around too long. You know too many people. We had a wonderful time visiting with friends and swimmers and catching up. And we got a chance to see the joy of a young couple beginning their life together. It was a beautiful wedding on a gorgeous fall day, the beauty of the wedding matching the day.

Life goes on. Children are born. Some of us die. We all die eventually. And tomorrow is another day. We will rejoice in seeing the grandchildren!

A Year of Thoughts

Thoughts flit in and out of my head. It has been almost a year since posting any GrammyThoughts. So what have those thoughts been about?

Getting Older: The aches and pains that come with getting older are for the birds. And then when you have to take stupid medications for the problems that come with aging, they make the joints hurt even more. The meds have taken care of the high cholesterol for now so we’ll try half-dosage and see if the numbers still stay down. Mama had a stroke at a rather ‘young’ age and the high cholesterol seems to be familial on that side of the family so we will watch ourselves for now.

Grandchildren: They are such a JOY! Spending some time in San Francisco with the family and taking the little girls out to dinner showed me that little ones can behave very well, even in fancy restaurants (with the help of a ‘dress the Barbie’ app on Nef’s IPhone!). Helping Ute with her homework and watching Athena at her gym class playing with her mommy and daddy brought much joy to my heart! Spending time in Chicago with the little boys brings smiles to our faces. Zane knows where all the states are and tells us where he is going this month – a new state, Arizona. And Cael has never been there either so he will have to color in Arizona for both himself and for Cael. Cael is so very precious, but life just doesn’t get any easier for him. Grammy worries about him and about his family. There is never a day that is not stress-free or a day that does not bring another challenge for him. For a grammy that likes to live stress-free, watching the family, even from afar, really causes stress.

Retirement: Every time I get a few days off, or do something fun like traveling to Chicago or San Francisco but sandwiching everything in between work and more work, I wonder why I shouldn’t retire. Then I think about the insurance game and health issues, and I know why I am still working – it’s called bennies! But then when I am home with nothing to do, I get really lazy and do less than nothing, so maybe retirement isn’t a good option for me right now.

Reading: I have been keeping track of the books I have read so far this year – 36. I think I am trying to read everything I can get my hands on before the eyes give out on me;-) The books run the gamut from historical fiction to mystery to inspirational. What am I to say...this is part of my laziness. I have always loved to read, but it goes in spurts. And my taste changes from year to year too. What I like this year may not strike my fancy at all next year.

Swimming: OK, I still enjoy doing the work. When I no longer enjoy it, I will quit. I just wish things wouldn’t pile up all at the same time. And I wish others would learn to do their jobs so that I didn’t always have to clean up after the messes;-) Too many meets this summer. Big meets that cause anxiety. Big outdoor meets that cause real anxiety because I can’t control the weather. Anyone ever guess that I am a control-freak? I want control over my own life. I know the other people in my life like to control their own lives too. I tell them they can control all they want until the train starts to run off the track, and then I take over!

Volunteer stuff: Getting rid of it...one thing at a time. Gone are the PW books. Gone are the HYAC books. Two big responsibilities that I really didn’t want anymore! Relief! But then I volunteer for Session when asked and that adds more responsibility. I like to use my strengths, and by letting people know what those strengths are, I can use them, and not be bothered with doing things that I am not good at or do not like to do!

How’s that for a year’s worth of thoughts?

Where does time go?

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that we were planning for millennial computer problems. Now we are marching toward 2010 – ten years later. Yesterday I was setting up the March short course meet. Today I am setting up the long course meet and August 1 is here at the end of the week. Yesterday we were getting stuff out for summer session. Now we are getting stuff for Fall and getting advertising out for fall workshops.

When I was little I used to practice writing the new year so that I wouldn’t make a mistake. The way time is flying, I maybe need to practice writing the new year – oh, maybe 100 times at least;-) I still catch myself putting 2008 on a check every now and then – and soon it will be 2010 and I haven’t even mastered 2009 yet.

Yesterday I was planning for family being home for a few days – today I am saying goodbye to 2/3 of that family and holding on for a few more days to the 1/3 that is still here. Yesterday I was anxiously waiting for winter to be over. Now summer is almost gone and the joy of having the family home for a few days is only in my heart.

Picture is of the extended Kooy family minus Esteban. (We missed him.) From left to right, Liz, Cael, Zane, Adrian, Betty, Heidi, Ute, Nef, Athena, Jan and Vern.

Ute and Zane

Liz, Heidi, and Ute

Liz, Adrian, and Jan at Liz's 20th HS class reunion

Athena

Why is it that when one is a child time seems to pass so very slowly? One is able to savor the year – all the special holidays, enjoy the time of anticipation, enjoy the days, and then enjoy savoring the memories. When one gets older, everything is just so jam-packed together that we can’t smell the coffee, let alone the roses.

I will try to savor the wonderful memories of having kids and grandkids home. I will try to enjoy working each day – even though every minute brings me closer to tomorrow. I will relish each sunny day, each star-lit night, and even each rainy day and cloudy night. I will cherish the times spent with family and friends and try to disencumber myself from so many ‘jobs’ that suck all of the time and pleasure out of life.

Tomorrow is another day...one day closer to January 1, 2010...whatever that day and year will bring. I will greet the morn with joy!